...so complicated...

ever have one of those days that you wake up knowing it's going to be a complicated day?

today was, is, one of those days for me. one of those days that i just wanted to stay in bed, and probably should have.

but i didn't. i got up, went to the bank and went to class...where i discovered we were having a test. a test in macroeconomics that i had not study a single minute for. great...

while taking the test, i ate a breakfast burrito that was mostly stale tortilla and semi hard sausage...ewww...and of course i got the coffee cup that decided to drip from under the lid onto my shirt...great...

so, failed the test (at least, i'm 99.9% sure i did) got in my car and went to work. oh and it dragged on and on and on. My boss (who is totally weird) asked me about my work and how far along i was....totally making it sound like as soon as i get done with my assigned task my services are no longer needed. great...

so then, i go home, get some stuff together and head to Friend's house cause it's gonna be super freakin cold tonight and oh yeah, my gas is still turned off. great...

Anyway, get to Friend's house and start making me some supper. Went in the living room to get something and heard my cell phone ringing. it's my mother...great...she's yelling and bitching at me saying my dad has been trying to call me and trying to find me and i'm just an inconsiderate blah blah blah who "conveniently" doesn't hear the phone anytime it is a parental but if it were friend or stormy or jordan you'd better believe i would answer. whatever mother...seriously, neither friend nor i heard the phone OK!?

ugh anyway...called my dad and he was on his way to my grandmother's house. i assured him that my anti-freeze was FINE but no no mommy dearest needs it checked properly. whatever...so i told him to call me on his way home and i would meet him at their house. well, i waited and waited and waited, and finally went back to cooking supper. i was just about to fix me a plate and the phone rings...it's dad....great...

soooo i went to parentals' house for all of 4.6 seconds for dad to properly check my anti freeze because we must keep mommy dearest happy and headed BACK to friend's house to eat my supper. what a waste of gasoline! anyway, get back to friend's house, we eat and watch tv as usual but something was off...great...

then i realized, it was friend. something has been eating away at him the last couple of weeks. i know what it is, but he won't talk to me about it. and it hurts. i know he's hurting and i want to be there for him but he won't let me. he used to tell me everything and now he tells me next to nothing. and i hate it.

i realized that when this particular subject comes up, i have nothing but negative things to say about said subject. i honestly don't mean to and i'm working on it...i am. i of all people know that when your heart is hurting you can say all you want about the person or thing that is making it hurt, but no one else better.

i just want to be there for him....

i just want things to be the way they used to be....

i want us to have fun together again....

i want his heart to stop hurting...

i want him to let me back in....