I Can't Stop Laughing!

So, I'm laying in bed, doing my usual nightly ritual: music, email, read blogs, facebook, myspace, game or two, sleep. Well, I was on myspace and noticed a friend had posted a bulletein entitled "jb's toilet story" OK, well, JB is a local DJ for one of the country stations here and i've known him quite some time...definitely long enough to know i was most likely to laugh hysterically or gag (maybe both) if i read that story. So, naturally, I opened it. That was 5 minutes ago and I can't stop laughing. So, now of course I feel obliged to share it with y'all. I know some of you don't speak of bodily functions, but seriously, this is hilarious and if you don't laugh there is something terribly wrong!!! Anyway, thanks JB for making me laugh harder than I have in a VERY long time! My sides hurt...

In case you missed it on the radio Monday...here's a recap of what happened to me this weekend at Zops.
After 4 hours of sleep I was awake and back at the Expo Center setting up for the 1st Annual Cookoff. We got everything ready, had our cooks meeting and tons of people starting coming in. See, we had to share the building with the group that was having the Poker Tournament.

Anyway, I was so rushed when I woke up that I got dressed and headed straight out there without my morning ritual....a trip to the bathroom. The morning trip to the bathroom is every man's right of passion. It's just me, my thoughts, some cold porcelian and nature.

Nature sure was calling so about 9am I busted through the doors, down the hallway, took a right and headed into the bathroom for a long winter's poop. This was one that I was looking forward to because my tummy was upset from the type of liquid I had consumed the night before not to mention those 2 authentic Mexican Bean & Cheese burritos that I ate as well.

I pick out a nice big stall in the middle, close and lock the door and proceed with my business. I did mention that my tummy was a little upset, didn't I? Needless to say, this was not a quiet moment. I sounded like a dozen Harleys with busted exhaust in the cold. Whew!

I was just about done when **ringggg** **ringgg** It was a cell phone. No big deal....until some girl started talking on it. I was like....No Way. This girl just walked right into the boys restroom and now I'm half naked sitting on the potty dropping the browns off at the superbowl. Then I got to thinking...Hmmm. I peaked through the little crack in the door. I looked left.

Then I looked right and guess what. THERE WERE NO URINALS IN THIS PLACE. Yep, I was pooping in the girls restroom. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

I didn't know what to do. I'm holding in a monster pain and some 20 something girl is just feet away from something that will surely send her to therapy. I did what I could and held it in and in and in and in. How long is this girl gonna stay on the phone. Five minutes go by when the Cell Phone Queen of Abilene finally ends her conversation. Now, what do most girls do when the get off the phone in the restroom.....? You guessed it. She had to go potty herself.

At this point I have quietly finished my paperwork, pulled up my pants and secured them and tucked my size 13 feet under the potty that I was sitting on as to not give away my position. I am so excited that I can finally make a break for it.

Now this restroom has about 20 really nice stalls for women to do their business. Which stall does this rocket scientist pick? The one right next to me!!!! She enters and I make a break for it. I didn't even flush. As soon as her door shut I knew that her back would be to the door and I ran as fast as I could.

I know what you are thinking...I was drunk. Noooooo. Sober as a church mouse. What happened was this: Before you enter the double doors and go down the hall....there is a sign above it with the pictures. It has women on the left and men on the right. I remember looking at it and failed to notice the 8 foot letters that said WOMEN right at the entrance.

Guys....use caution when entering an unknown potty. It's dangerous out there.

JB Cloud
KBCY