Boobyguard...

Yes, you read that right. Forget a bodyguard, I need a boobyguard. Why, you ask? Because Friend has come up with another "thought to ponder."

Friend and I often (ok more him than me) come up with these odd ideas while watching t.v. The latest one TERRIFIES me. I'll see if I can explain while holding an arm over my boobs to protect them.

You know the little commercial with the kid that has a wart and he's sitting on a doc's table and it turns into a barstool and his mom takes care of it with this little diddy? Well, it's been coming on a lot lately. And, Friend's newest ponderance (is that a word?) is this: "I wonder what it would do to your nipples..."

all to gether now, OOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHH

*shudder*

now, Friend and I have a realtionship in which we can and will talk about anything. So the fact that he mentioned my nipples had absolutely no shock value. It's the fact that he wants to try to freeze my nipples with a friggin wart remover to see if they will fucking fall off that made my chin drop.

*shudder*

He mentioned this about a week ago and I told him that I would be more than happy to test this theory on his nipples. His response? "no! i might need them!"

ummm hold up.

he might need them?? WTF?? First of all, I'm the female of this group. If either of us is going to actually need their nipples, it's going to be me, the one who has yet to give birth, but desperately wants to. The one who is actually capable of nursing a child. The one who has functioning nipples. Well, I suppose they have the capability of being functional.

Anywho, a few days ago he brought up the theory again. I told him I would be more than happy to test on his nipple. His response this time? "Nah, mine aren't big enough."

ummmm hold up.

they aren't big enough?? WTF?? How big do they need to be? I mean, the stuff is meant for a wart. I'm no wart officianado, but I've seen a few in my day (on other people thank god) and it's not like they're some boil (that's such a gross word, dontcha think?) or something. They're fairly small, right? I also want to know what the hell makes him think mine are big enough. I have very small nipples. Did i really just write that?? well, I do. I have teeny tiny nipples. I've had zits bigger than my nipples. Honestly. And Friend knows this and he love love loves to make fun of the fact that I have honkin huge boobs and itty bitty teeny weeny nips. It's one of those things he and I have pondered. How can they be so small when the boobs are SO big?

Anywho...now that i've told you all about my boobies (probably lots more than y'all wanted to know) here's my question:

does anyone know what happens if you use the freeze away wart remover on a nipple? does it fall off? does it hurt like a sonuvabitch? I can't help but think it hurts like hell....

but sadly, i am a little curious...