Tuesday, April 15, 2008

it's probably a good thing i'm not catholic...

otherwise, i'd be reciting 1499 Hail Marys (whatever those are) and 71 Our Fathers (i'm assuming that's The Lord's Prayer?)

oh, and i'd be fasting for 9 weeks. looking at my waistline, i could stand to fast for 9 weeks. just let my body feed off itself. hmmm

anyway, i have a few (thousand) questions for you catholic peeps. oh, and before we go ANY FURTHER...please know that i am in NO WAY trying to disrespect your beliefs. k? ok...

so, i went to this site and did an online confessional because i thought it would be kind of funny to see what my penance would be. (ok, maybe that was a little disrespectful. sorry). anyway, i'm going through the 10 mile long list of sins and i'm wondering:

  1. does putting a certain sin in my "shopping cart" once cover all the times it's happened, or do i have to have one for every single time i've comitted that sin? like, seriously, do i have to account for everyday of my life for the past one..two...nine years of my life that i've taken birth control?

  2. why is birth control a sin? i have a whole post about this one coming up...

  3. what exactly is felching?

  4. who decides the severity of the sin? in my church, sin is sin. but apparently in the catholic church there are different degrees. kind of like a class c misdemeanor.

  5. so, i know that having sex when you're not married is a sin. and i know having sex with someone else's spouse is a sin. what if you're having premarital sex with someone else's spouse but you don't know they're married? is that a double whammy?

shew! it's exhausting getting all serious...

p.s. if you think you are having dejavu, you probably are. i wrote this over at MP's blog a couple of weeks ago, but I wanted to get everyone's input on this...

12 comments:

vuboq said...

You *really* don't want to know what felching is. Trust me.

Cynical Nymph said...

a) I know that somewhere in my head is the definition of "to felch," but I think my brain is protecting itself and keeping the information hidden. I do remember that "to felch" is to do something incredibly gross.

b) There are mortal and venial sins. The mortal sins are murder, adultery (includes fornication) and apostacy (denying the Holy Spirit, or otherwise being a HERETIC!) If you die in a state of mortal sin (that is, not having gone to confession and done penance for said action), the "original" Catechism states that you go straight to hell, too bad for you, no matter what. However, the "updated" Catechism makes exceptions for suicide (murder), in some cases. Venial sins (such as the time I took a York Peppermint Pattie from Ace Hardware when I was four), in general, will plunk you in purgatory after death, where you'll while away the time until your soul is redeemed (live people can help speed this up by petitioning the Saints to pray for your soul) and you get to go to Heaven, yay for you.

Clear? Okay, good.

Okay, going back and reading that makes me remember why I stopped going to Mass.

MP said...

MAN..I had this LONG comment typed out..then I reached up to get my Gold Bond Ultimate Softening lotion..and I hit the ESC button and the entire comment deleted..

GRRRR...

Catholic Church and Sex:
The act of sex is supposed to be confined to a man and woman who are married to each other. The act of sex is to create children. You are not supposed to use any method of artifial birth control. If you use a church taught method (rythm method..which I know nothing about) then it's OK.
If you are taking birth control for a reason OTHER than not having babies it is OK.

Confession: If you have cursed 837 times this past month and gossiped about your neighbor.. that is a sin. From what I understand you don't need to talk about ALL 837 cursing.. Just that you have cursed and gossiped since your last confession.
I think if you had murdered two people I would be talking about each murder.
If you had adultry with 2 different men, I think I would speak in plurals..even if you didn't KNOW he was married you would still confess because you had sex with someone that you weren't married to.

There are a billion things I have issue with in my religion but I've become a bit of a "cafeteria catholic" in my middle age.. For instance, I have a few gay people in my life that I love very much..and I for ONE second cannot believe that God doesn't love them just as much as me..

OK.. I better hit publish before I have to type it all over again!

vuboq said...

*ugh* You asked. felching. Don't say I didn't warn you.

MP said...

BEFORE clocking on VUBOQ's link..Please place the barf bag NEAR you..like under your chin.. i'm just warning

How the heck did that come up in a Catholic conversation...I am pretty certain the catholic teaching isn't.. do not kill, steal, commit adultery or felch?

262mom said...

Are you channeling Lynette from Desperate Housewives? I would take Bree VanDeKamp's advice and go with the Presbyterians =)

Andi (RrlScrapGal) said...

I'm catholic.. well, not practicing, as they say....Guess I'm also a cafeteria Catholic!
So, I could submit my confessions online??? Go figure! Wish I knew that the time I drove 17 miles to get to church with my two babies and then we slipped on ice... right on my rear... my dd fell too, she was maybe 2 and my son was in a baby carrier... no fun...
Come to think of it, don't think I've been back since.. Not going to kill myself just to get to church...
think I'll take that online option!

Jen said...

Oh. My. God - I had no idea what feltching was, until I hit that link.

This will help my dieting immensely today.

I like to think of myself as a Cafeteria Catholic/Wanna-Be Jew/Buddhist admirer. I went to that site, too. I am in BIG trouble. I will never be able to atone for my sins.

Biddy said...

ok, so i can't get to urbandictionary from work. it's blocked due to being "tasteless"

hahaha

anyway, i'll look at it when i get home.

thanks for all your input youz guyz!

Mary Alice said...

Holy Mother F***g C**p - that is pretty much what felching is. Who could even think that up? I am going to go vomit now. Thanks for the extra weight loss.

Mary Alice said...

And another thing - wouldn't felching cause serious cases of e-coli? One would think the e-coli infection would be far worse penance than a million Hail Mary’s.

Anonymous said...

Man, I've been using the term "felching" all kinds of wrong.

Holy sickout batman!