four...

four years ago today, i got a phone call at work that would forever change my life in a devastating way.

"brandy," my mom said in a wavering voice, "um...papa...papa passed away this morning."

"WHAT?!" i hoped i'd heard her wrong, though, in the back of my mind, i knew she was going to tell me someone had died the minute she said my name.

"papa...he passed away this morning," she repeated.

"where are you? abilene regional emergency room? i'll be there in a minute" i responded, probably a bit too calm. mom hung up, the phone slipped out of my hand and i realized that my co-workers had all gathered around me, some had already prayed for me.

"i'll drive you. you're not driving yourself" June said to me. i told her i was fine and that i just needed to get to the hospital to be with my family. Kathy and Karen jumped in and said "no! you're not driving yourself. let June take you"

not wanting to argue and feeling the overwhelming need to be with Mimi, i agreed. kathy & june got on either side of me and walked with me. at first i thought it was silly. then, halfway down the hall, i lost it. my knees went weak and i broke down into a sobbing mess. they let me cry as they rubbed my back and gave people the "go away" look as they came out of their offices to see what the heck was going on.

they got me into june's car; i think kathy buckled my seatbelt for me. off we drove, to the hospital. while driving down Judge Ely, i asked June to pull into Henry D's (a diner). I'm sure she thought i was crazy, but i told her i would be right back. i walked in, passed a table of police officers asking me "ma'am? ma'am? are you ok? ma'am??" and found Coy, Papa's best friend. He took one look at my face (it's impossible for me to hide the fact that i've been crying), stood up, wrapped his arms around me and said "darlin what's wrong?" and i told him. looking back , that probably wasn't the best way or place to tell him, but i needed to tell him right then. i think more for myself because coy always treats me like i'm one of his grandchildren. i also knew that the car lot was the next stop on his list, to spend the rest of the morning talking and cracking jokes with Papa.

coy hugged me, told me he loved me and said to call when we got back to the house.

i got back in june's car and joined my family at the hospital. i've said it before, but i'm still not sure how i was able to make the phone calls i made from the emergency room. friends and family needed to be told, and i did that. how did i do that??

somehow, that day, my family managed to laugh a few times, as we all stood around his hospital bed, looking at him, wishing he would just wake up and tell us it was just a bad dream.

even in the tragedy of his death, my grandfather kept us laughing:

*this is the lid of his vault at the cemetary. yes, he had that spray painted on it years before he died. why? because he wanted us to have one more laugh*

today, i will go to the cemetary and talk to him. then i will go to the house he and my grandmother made into "home" for everyone in our family and lay my head in mimi's lap and probably spend the rest of the day crying. and laughing, because that's the way he would want it.