i'm just curious, because the last time i felt the way i feel right now, the moon was full. i'm just too lazy to go out there and see. i suppose i could look it up online, but seeing as how i have dial up, it might crash my entire system...
the only difference is: a) i'm not post pmsing or pmsing and b) i soooo do not want to go cry on my mother's shoulder....
i feel like i'm losing my mind. like, seriously losing my mind. i've been weepy all day. the past 2 days, all i've wanted to do is sleep. and for the most part, that's all i've done. aside from jake's soccer game, cooking supper, and going to trina's yesterday and going to the office for a couple of hours today (another surefire sign i've lost my mind), i have not done anything. oh wait, i take that back. i washed a load of clothes too. i just didn't think showing up at work naked was such a good idea.
anywho...back to this shitty mood i'm in. i don't know what the deal is. i honestly feel like i'm losing my mind. yesterday, i cooked a pot of red beans all day. i had a pork tenderloin ready for the oven. then, i found out Friend was going to stay with emily (his baby). and i don't want you to think that made me mad, because it didn't at all. honestly. i love that he spends time with his girls. i think it's good for all of them. so, why did i fix myself a bowl of beans, and throw the rest out? it was by far the best pot of beans i've ever made, and i threw the damn things out. because no one was hear to eat them with me. what the!? that is so not me...we all know how much biddy loves food...one just has to look at my failed attempts at losing weight to know that!
so, pretty much all day today i've just been in a funk. i was going to go to church, but had a hard time sleeping last night. i hit the snooze entirely too many times on the alarm, and when i finally got myself outta bed, 1st service was already underway by about 15 minutes. sure, i could have gone to class and 2nd service, but i don't do 2nd service. don't ask me why, because i have no idea. i just like 1st. maybe it's because that's when all the old people are there...who knows...
i got out of bed, fed the dogs, and went back to bed. i didn't sleep. i just laid there. staring at the ceiling. Friend called and i talked to him for a few minutes. he had gone to kim yum yum's (pet name for the heaven on earth cambodian donut shop) and that sounded pretty good. so i scrounged around the house for some change and went to the one by my house (it has a drive thru) in my pajamas. no bra. my hair looked as though i had just rolled out of bed in the middle of a tornado. i haven't gone anywhere in my pjs in years. and even then i'd at least put on a bra. NOT TODAY!
so, i came back to the house, made a pot of coffee, had my croissants while crying, and went back to bed. 3 hours later, i got up, put on a bra and some capris with the tank top i've been sleeping in since last night, and went to the office. i worked on some things i was behind on (thanks to my boss) for a couple of hours. and i cried the whole time. i had fully planned on completely catching up my work, but the tears made it really hard to focus on the screen. i talked to Friend again, and tried to be as upbeat as i could...why, i'm not sure. maybe because he's got enough going on right now and doesn't need to add his psychotic best friend to the mix.
anyway, i came home, and off and on for the past 5 hours, i've been crying. i ran myself a hot bath and just sat there. crying. i sat there with my knees pulled to my chest until the water was half gone and freezing cold. and sat there some more. had it not been for one of the pups yelping (for unknown reasons) i'd probably still be in the tub.
i want to yell. i want to scream. i want to weep. i want to be silent. i want to hit. i want to cuddle. i want to eat. i want to throw up. i want to run down the street as fast as i can. i want to lay down and die. i want to clean. i want to throw everything in sight. i want to call Friend, but i don't. i want to drink every ounce of alcohol in my fridge, but i don't.
i'm this close to waking trina's happy ass up, but i won't. at least not tonight.
what the hell is wrong with me!?
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11 comments:
Aw, here's a *HUG* for Biddy. Is there anything I can do for you. And before you go thinking about my occupation before answering, just know that I can only do so much :).
But I do hope that your upcoming week is much better! :)
Either one bad day, or change in weather, or maybe a trip to the dr for some happy pills ... either way, sending you big hugs and hopes for a better week ahead.
Wow! I don't know what's up with you. I hope today goes better- you can call me if you need to!
Go for a hug from me!
Not quite a full moon yet...but it's waxing (although that's here up North). Is it different in Texas?
Time to call the Dr., honey! For a serving of happy pills and a side of therapy. It'll do a body good.
To cheer you up. some idiots Chicago Cub fans (I'm a Chicago Cub fan but these people are idiots)--Their name is Mr. and Mrs. Fields, just named their newborn boy, Wrigley....as in Wrigley Fields, home of the Cubs. Think of the happy pills and therapy that kid is going to need....
Oh sweetie, sweetie, sweetie.
If I was there I'd give you a giant hug.
It might just be a funk but it sounds suspiciously like depression...and I should know.
If it doesn't get better in a few days you need to call your doctor and talk to him. I'm worried about you.
Sorry Biddy McBidderton. That sucks. You know, it could be the weather. The change of seasons? Bossy spent all of saturday and most of sunday under covers on her sofa. Wait, that sounds good. Perhaps Bossy should return...zzzzzz.
*hugs* and I am also a fan of the therapy. When life is good, it's good to really reach inside to appreciate it. When life is bad, it's good to purge and regain control. *hugs*
I hope you're feeling a little bit better. I was weepy all last week, not because of the moon or pms, but stress. I sympathize with you!
((hug))
I've felt that way before. It sucks. It's like your not in your own skin. Don't have any advice to give, but I hope you are better soon.
Biddy my friend...I am sorry. I understand what you are going through. Sometime we can be so sad and at the same time mad because we don't know what we are sad about. I have been there. I have been through the tears that flow with no reason completely unabated. I have sat crying in the car at stop lights and I have not wanted to get out of my bed. Depression is difficult. Call a counselor today. Don't wait. Don't touch the alcohol....that is simply self medication and won't do a thing to touch WHY you are feeling like you are.
Okay, Biddy, I know that I am just getting to know you, but I have to say that sounds like a pretty normal day in my book. Well, maybe not an EVERYDAY normal, but who doesn't have a day like that every once in a while? Life can just get to overwhelming sometimes, and you need a good cry, donuts, and a hot bath to work it out.
I'm reading upwards, but I see that you posted an awesome remedy on your next post...
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