laxatives...

feeling a bit irregular? can't poo to save your life? well, by all means, here's my surefire cure:

• first, you must make it known to all the world that you do not use public restrooms...
• next, you must do one of following:

1. go to chick-fil-a and order a large sweet tea, easy on the ice. drink it all..
proceed to nearest public place with a nasty public restroom, such as the abilene
Target. within about 20 minutes, you should feel sharp, excruciating stomach pains,
along with a hot flash, and the warm saliva that fills your mouth just before you
need to throw up. don't worry....you will not throw up.
you may, however, shit your pants

or

2. go to the nearest Pier 1, while walking around inhale the scent of the store...
works every time. many times Bath & Body Works will have the same powers

or try my newest, fool proof method

3. go to wal-mart. about half-way through your shopping list, you should feel the
exact same feelings as mentioned above...

now, as with all medical treatments, you should take caution. for instance, do not get pulled over by a cop while racing home to sit on your own potty. also, when driving do not pull over because you think you are going to puke (remember the warm excessive saliva?). you are not going to puke and any extra time spent racing to the bathroom may result in skid marks.

this free medical advice brought to you by: