how i feel right about now....

i would much rather have put a video of this famous cry up, but damnitt, it's too early in the morning for me to be looking through 3948673 "i love lucy" clips on youtube. and no, you can't just type in "lucy crying" "i love lucy crying" "lucille ball crying" or "sonofabitch i just want a video of lucy going whaaaaaa" none of those work

anyway, it's 5:30 a.m. or what i would like to call the ass crack of dawn. and i'm awake. oh that's right, i've been awake for TWO HOURS. this is ridiculous! I'm naturally a very bitchy person (shocking, i know) and when i'm running on little to NO sleep, well, WATCH OUT.

I gotta hand it to Scott (my physical therapist) though. Tonight was the longest stretch of sleep i've gotten in 5 days. Did I mention I am friends my physical therapist? Remember this lil guy? Yep, Scott is his daddy! I have known Kara since my freshman year at A.C.Screw.U. They have a bloggy too! They are much nicer on their blog than i am. :-)

Ok, get back on track, Biddy. So, I gotta tell you that even though I knew Scott would be my therapist, the thought of therapy scared the living hell out of me. Why? because i can hardly walk. I just knew he was going to be hurting me. no pain, no gain, right? Well, he didn't hurt me, much. Most all of the pain i experienced, was already bothering me when i got there. he showed me some simple stretches/exercises to do, and yes, I've actually been doing them. (hi scott!) He also showed me some different ways to lay while I attempt to sleep at night. Most of them I had already tried but he showed me one and i was like "hmmm never thought of that!"

So, I tried it tonight. It hurt. BUT, when I went back to trying different positions (does that sound dirty to anyone else? just me?) anyway, i went back to trying the different positions I have been trying that usually last all of about 10 minutes at the most. This time though, I actually slept for about a 4 hour stretch! Wow, that sounds so sad. You'd think I had a newborn in the house or something. Nope, just me and retardog.

I probably could have slept longer, except i woke up needing to pee so bad i wasn't sure i was going to make it. why is it that when you hurt yourself and it's difficult to walk, you instantly have to pee 39457 more times a day? anyway, i never could get comfortable again after that. I sleep an hour here, 45 minutes there. it's miserable. I finally gave up the bed and came in the living room to lay on my massage table. helped for about an hour. so, then it was the floor. I cried the instant I laid on the floor (usually it feels pretty good for a while). so, after nearly tearing the door handle off the front door, I got off the floor and went to the trusty recliner (where I have ended up every night since i fell). It's always my last resort because i know sitting in a recliner is actually really bad for your back (which scott reiterated today). for some reason I just always get relief when i get in the recliner.

NOT TONIGHT. *insert very long line of dirty words here* I tossed and turned trying to find that one spot that always makes me go "ahhhh" and lets me doze off and on for the remainder of my miserable evenings. never found it. of course, it could be because the recliner is cheap and trying to die on me. I need my dad's recliner. oh man...i love that thing...

so now i don't know what to do. i've done my excersises (hi scott!), taken some more pain meds (those are a whole 'nother post), finished book number 2 of bedrest read-a-thon (book 1 was finished in less than 24 hours) and eaten half a giant bag of animal crackers. and it's not even 6 a.m.

if only i had the energy and pain tolerance to clean...

so, the plan for therapy is 3 times a week for now. i'm excited because scott is certain he can help me get back to "normal" (don't worry, i use the term very lightly!) and i believe him. besides, if he doesn't, i do always know where he lives ;-)