mmmmmm cupcakes

so, i've been meaning to post this for quite some time, but blogger has been a bitch and just now let me upload all these pictures. *sigh* i guess i need to just break down and pay for my flickr account. it would make my life blogging much easier. anyway, as some of y'all have seen, there were several comments on my Bossy Done Did Dallas post about the cupcakes i made. yes, they were that good. and well, i don't normally like to share recipes with anyone, because i'm mean like that (and seriously, i've gotta have something everyone wants), but these are just so damn good, (and it's not actually my recipe) you've gotta make them so you can experience the heavenly bliss that is these cupcakes. so, without further ado adieu? anyway here goes:

Chocolate Cupcakes with
Creamy Coffee Liqueur Filling:

the first step in my house is always the same when cooking: wash every dish you own. This can be done the night before, but if you're stupid bold like me, you can do it in the middle of the night when you should be sleeping instead of cleaning and then making cupcakes because you have to drive to dallas in the morning... While you are washing the dishes (or an hour before you start making cupcakes, you clean freak) set all your ingredients out. (this is a three part recipe, so get ALL the ingredients out now) why? because you want them to all be room temperature. why? BECAUSE I SAID SO! actually, when you are making any kind of cake, you want all of your ingredients to be room temp because the cake bakes faster and more evenly when the ingredients don't have to heat up from being cold, thus producing a more moist, decadent cake. wow, i sound like a pro or something...

now that all the dishes are clean and out of the way, line a muffin tin with cupcake liners. I prefer the foil ones because they don't hold onto the cake as much as the paper ones. and as we can all tell by my rather large waistline, i don't like to share my desserts, even with a paper liner. this recipe makes roughly 30 cupcakes, so the more muffin tins you have, the better. of course, i just have the one because my other 2 got rusted on the bottom and i threw them away because i'm weird like that. if you're really stingy adventuresome, you can spray the foil liners with non stick spray, but it's not really mandatory.
oh, go ahead and pre heat your oven to 350. now would be a good time to telly you that i, like casey, am a firm believer in using an oven thermometer. i don't care how much you paid for your oven, you just can't be certain that the number you put it on is actually what it is inside. I'm sorry, you're just going to have to deal with it. or, you can trust your oven and have tough, dry cake. your call.

now, in a large mixing bowl (or the bowl to your stand mixer if you have one and OH I SO DO! sorry, i still get really excited about it) anyway, where was i? oh right, in the mixing bowl: some flour (do you know the proper way to measure flour? cause you really should), sugar, unsweetened cocoa powder baking soda, baking powder, and salt. what? you don't know how much? get over it. ok ok! I'll be nice and post a more printer friendly version (with measurements for all you accurate people). Now, you can sift all these ingredients together if you want. I'm not a big sifter, so i just stir dry ingredients with a wooden spoon until they are combined.
now is when your neighbor comes over to keep you company because she's the one who suggested dinner and a late movie, thus causing you to resort to insomnia to make cupcakes. also? go ahead and bust out some alcohol. you might as well make this adventure fun.
it's also a good idea to have an awesome neighbor that stays up in the middle of the night with you because she'll go back to her house and get her muffin tin for you. the only problem? she'll let a GIANT MOTHERFUCKING GRASSHOPPER into your house when she comes back. Spend the next 10 minutes or so flailing your arms and screaming and jumping, while also trying to kill the GMG (neighbor should also join in this part, it's crucial). Don't worry, the GMG is not a part of the final product and really, it doesn't even go anywhere near the mixing bowl, thank gawd!
once you've got your heart rate up to 384 bpm and the GMG is DEAD, wash your hands, take another gulp sip of your drink. then, go back to the mixing bowl and throw in some oil, coffee, and eggs. sing a little michael jackson while you beat it at medium speed until smoooooooooth criminal.
now, get your hand off your crotch, scrape the sides of the bowl with a spoonula, and stir in some sour cream and vanilla extract (please, for the love of martha, don't use imitation vanilla). i know, you're probably all "sour cream in CAKE!?" Don't worry, i haven't lost my mind (well, at least when it comes to food. the rest is debatable). sour cream is one of the greatest things to happen to cake. seriously.
now, get a big spoon and start filling the muffin cups about two-thirds full. after a few cups, realize that you're a dumb ass and using a slotted spoon. try to find the correct giant spoon, realize that it's nowhere to be found and use a measuring cup instead. this is the really messy part. you're going to find chocolate in strange places for days. now, pop them in the oven for about 17 minutes (for those of you without the nose) or until a toothpick inserted in the center blah blah blah.
now comes one of the best parts about baking these bad boys: licking the bowl. mmmmm once you and neighbor give yourselves diabetes, wash the mixer bowl and get ready to make the filling...mmm

you don't have to have a big mixer bowl for the filling, but I have an orgasm enjoy using my kitchenaid. my PINK kitchenaid. sorry. ok, so in the bowl, combine the little hunk of cream cheese with thawed (remember how i said set everything out an hour before? aren't you mad at yourself now for not listening to me!?) what was i saying? oh, right thawed chocolate flavored cool whip. i shit you not when i say i went to every grocery store in this town and NO ONE had chocolate cool whip. i cried. then i cussed. then i cried some more. then i got over it, bought a tub of plain ol (fake) cool whip and just added some cocoa powder and chocolate syrup. it turned out fine, but the chocolate cool whip makes them so. much. better. anyway, beat the snot out of it until it's nice and creamy.
oh but wait, we're so not done with the filling. now you find your dear friend Coffee Liqueur and beat some of it in there too. mmmmm so good. what's that? your wine cooler is empty and you can't find the corkscrew to open the wine? well, go ahead and take a lil swig of miss lolita :-)
lawsie mercy doesn't that look good enough to eat? oh wait...it is good enough to eat...now, the instructions say to cover and chill, but what i prefer to do is go ahead and spoon it into a prepared frosting bag with a pretty big tip (i used a big star tip) already inside. fill the bag about 2/3 full, tie it with a twisty tie, then set it in a coffee cup (so it will stand up) and put it in the fridge. not all of the filling will fit in one bag, so cover and chill the rest of it. annnnnnd since your blood sugar level has dropped to 492, go ahead and lick the bowl.

now, you can either make the Coffee Buttercream Frosting that goes along with these divine creatures, or you can do what i do: jab the frosting tip in and fill the cooled cupcakes until the filling spews out of the top and makes a funky dollop on top. The Coffee Buttercream Frosting is really good, but damn it is RICH and these cupcakes are already extremely rich and delicous. the frosting is just gilding the lily or whatever old people say when you're trying to make something perfect even better. now, you can smooth the funky dollop on top of the cupcakes or you can leave it be. if you're using the buttercream, don't let the filling spew out. smooth some frosting on them and, if you have money time to go to starbucks and get some, top the cupcakes with a chocolate covered coffee bean. it's a fun lil surprise, but i've found not everyone likes chocolate covered coffee beans. why? i have no idea.
now, send Neighbor home with a few cupcakes for breakfast. put the rest of them in your handy dandy airtite cupcake carrier and put them in the fridge (there's cream cheese in the filling, kids). They are pretty good cold, but you can set them out and let them get to room temperature (still in the air-tight container) before serving them. go take a shower, cause you stink. oh, and pack a bag. and at about 3 a.m. crawl into bed. sleep for a few hours. drive to dallas in record breaking time, and in a few short hours, share the cupcake heaven with eight new friends that you instantly fall in love with...

why? because it makes them even better.

p.s. head over to crappy crafty biddy for a more printer friendly version and measurements...and don't say i never gave you anything. sheesh!