my kind of friendships....

*actual conversations between my friends and me*

me: is easter really THIS sunday, as in day after TOMORROW? or is it NEXT weekend?
trina:no, next sunday
me: whew
trina: do you have a calendar?
me: somewhere in the vicinity of my home
trina: do you need special instruction on how to read a calendar? i teach life skills
me: jackass

me: so, there's this pair of shoes at Target i was going to get if i got the job...
rachel: oh yeah?
me: but now i'm thinking i should get them because i didn't get the job
rachel: i was just about to say that. so, what time do you want to do retail therapy?

me: i love the conversations we have
rachel: yeah dude, we could even talk about butt sex...ewww
me: hahahahahahaha
rachel: nice that i just walked into walmart shouting "butt sex." hey, what's the texture of wheat germ?

me: it must be so fucking awesome to be worth millions
Juliet: whatever. they have thier own problems
me: true
Juliet: like, how do they pick the color for the new bently?

Juliet: EWW
Me: what ew?
Juliet: They started putting aspartame in Fresca. Gross.
me: eww is right
Juliet: it tastes all DIET and shit
me: bastards
Juliet: OMG
me: we have this AMAZING bbq place called Harold's. i'm so taking you there if you ever come see me
Juliet: what is ESTER OF WOOD ROSIN? I can't believe I'm ingesting this.
me: sounds like a woman that was burned at the stake


me: i'm sitting behind a burnt orange corvette. i think i just had an orgasm.
rachel: ewww NOT in the car!!


stormy: you know, it's a good thing we're such good friends
me: yeah...we know way too much shit about each other to ever be enemies
stormy: don't i know it...

me: so, i met a new guy. he's really cute.
jalynn: is he married?
me: GAH! why is that always your first question?
jalynn: seriously?
me: ok, so it's a valid question. but why does it always have to be first?!

me: i'm bored. let's go flying*.
rachel: ok. do you want to drive or should i?
me: i'll drive. i haven't driven since before we almost killed stormy**
rachel: good times, dude.
me: wanna do some trashcan bowling while we're out?
rachel: FUCK YEAH!

*flying: driving rachel's corolla or my jeep around 60 MPH down a steep hill and not slowing down for the dip at the end of it. yes, we got airborn a time or two...or ten

**we kinda forgot to tell stormy to buckle her seatbelt... it was only a mild concussion

me: i have to remember not to drink for 8 hours wednesday night
Trina: why? because you have to go to church?? ha ha
me: jerk

there's a conversation about vaginas and garlic bread...i'm torn about posting it. what do y'all think?