Bedtime Story

Once upon a time, when Biddy was a senior in high school, she went to a magical place called Post with her Mimi & Papa. Post is a magical place that has a market once a month full of crap treasures. Antiques, jewelry, purses, you name it, you could probably find it at Post. Oh, and the food. Kettle Corn and Lemonade and all kinds of artery clogging goodness.

That particular day, Papa decided to go on his way, looking at the manly treasures, while Biddy and Mimi perused the antiques, purses and jewelry. At the very first jewelry vendor, Biddy fell in love with an amethyst ring. Oh, the ring was so pretty. It had 19 small amethysts and one larger, darker one in the middle.

Mimi convinced Biddy to not purchase the ring because there was still 34587 more shops to go in the kingdom and she worried that Biddy would find a ring she loved even more and wouldn't be able to return the first one. So, Biddy took the most beautiful ring in the world off her finger and reluctantly gave it back to the shopkeeper.

Mimi and Biddy wore the pavement out in Post, going from shop to shop, while Papa shopped and shopped, occasionally stopping to sit on a bench and have a cold cup of tea. Biddy tried on 34895739 rings that day, but none were as beautiful as the most beautiful ring in the world. When Papa called Mimi to see if they were finished shopping, they agreed on a place to meet at a certain time. Biddy and Mimi perused one more jewelry shop. Biddy tried on 43958 more rings and finally declared, "i've tried on many a ring, but none hold a candle to the most beautiful ring in the world! i MUST have it!"

So, Mimi and Biddy headed back to the very first shop and Biddy told the shopkeeper "i simply MUST have the most beautiful ring in the world!" The shopkeeper handed Biddy her treasure and told her the price. Biddy reached for her purse and suddenly realized she didn't have a purse. Biddy had left her purse at home so she wouldn't spend any money. As Biddy cursed herself for being frugal for the first time in her life, she reached to remove the most beautiful ring in the world from her finger one more time. It was then she realized Mimi was speaking to the shopkeeper, saying things like "will you take x amount of dollars, cash, no receipt?" and the shopkeeper was nodding in agreement to the much lower price. "Mimi," Biddy sighed, "thanks but i left my purse at home so I would not spend any money. i guess i'm just not meant to have the most beautiful ring in the world."

But Mimi was not listening to Biddy, at all. She was still wheeling and dealing with the shopkeeper and words like "cash" and "no receipt" and "here's your change" and "early birthday present" were being spoken. And just like that, Mimi had purchased the most beautiful ring in the world for Biddy!

Biddy fought back the tears of joy and kissed and hugged and thanked Mimi a million bazillion times. The smile on Biddy's face stretched from ear to ear as she admired her newest treasure. Mimi and Biddy bid the shopkeeper farewell and met up with Papa, who was waiting patiently on a bench. Biddy showed Papa the most beautiful ring in the world, gave him a kiss and thanked him even though he had no idea it was a gift from him. Mimi informed Papa the ring was a birthday gift from them and Papa complimented Biddy on her ring choice, because Papa was a jewelry man himself. The most beautiful ring in the world also happend to be Papa's birthstone.

Biddy wore the most beautiful ring in the world every day, taking it off only to bathe and go to Africa. She received compliment after compliment on the precious purple stoned ring. Even straight men complimented its beauty.

Years came to pass, and Biddy still loved the most beautiful ring in the world, even though it had somehow lost a stone. Papa had gone to the magic swap meet in the sky and Biddy grew to love the ring even more, because it reminded her of Papa. Biddy moved in with Mimi for a time and then she moved into her own duplex castle. The landlady lady of the castle decided to have some work done on Biddy's powder room.

For a week, Biddy lived with her toilet in the bathtub and worker bees coming in and out of her castle. Mornings were started with Biddy jumping in her car, in her pajamas, and driving 90 mph to Friend's alley apartment, honking a hello to Friend on his way to work, skidding to a stop, and bolting inside to tinkle in Friend's potty. Friend found this daily ritual utterly hilarious, while Biddy found it utterly ridiculous. Biddy felt like she was in the dorms all over again, having to pack up her toiletries and trek to shower and tinkle.

The time finally passed and the worker bees left Biddy's castle, but not before leaving grout bootprints on her carpet. The new tile work was pretty, and the working toilet was even better. Biddy enjoyed that first day with her new powder room, until she realized a very important element was missing: the most beautiful ring in the world.

Biddy remembered taking it off and putting it in its spot above the sink, so she could shower, before the worker bees destroyed her powder room. With all the confusion and flying like a bat out of hell, Biddy had not thought to put on the most beautiful ring in the world in a week, and now the most beautiful ring in the world was gone.

Biddy tore her duplex castle apart from top to bottom, searching for the most beautiful ring in the world. For days she searched high and low, but to no avail. The most beautiful ring in the world was nowhere to be found. and Biddy cried. and cried and cried and oy, the tears. Biddy mourned the loss of the most beautiful ring in the world, certain it had met a shitty fate, or perhaps got misplaced in a worker bees pocket.

Years came to pass, Biddy moved into another house castle and the most beautiful ring in the world was eventually substituted with another purple ring, a birthday gift from Mimi. The purple ring was pretty, and Biddy loved the sentimental value of the purple ring, but it was not the most beautiful ring in the world.

One day, Biddy, in all her unemployed gloriousness decided to have a garage sale, which required her to sort through boxes and boxes and oy the boxes of crap treasures in the garage. While sorting through boxes and killing spiders, Biddy noticed a rattle in a vase she had long forgotten. Praying it was not a petrified carcass inside, Biddy tipped the vase over and out came something that had Biddy out of her seat, squealing and crying:

and in the hours since this miraculous and strange discovery, Biddy has not let the most beautiful ring in the world out of her sight. It's filthy, sticky, and still missing a stone, but oh, it is still, by far, the most beautiful ring in the world.

The End.

*sigh* don'tcha just LOVE happy endings?!