Tuesday, September 25, 2007

aww yous guys


thanks, toni and everyone else for the hugs, kicks in the ass, and words of wisdom. i'm still in a funk, but not as bad as it was when i wrote this incredibly long whine-fest. i'm amazed at how many people suffered through read the whole thing. and i thank you for that too...

now, let me touch on a few things.

this raised a few eyebrows, but i assure you, i wasn't drinking it because i am depressed. i was drinking it because i had some butterscotch schnapps and the 2 mixed together (with ice and a splash of milk) make for a wonderful concoction called a buttery nipple, and it just sounded good at the time. i didn't even finish it. although the contents of my fridge and kitchen (and posts like this and this) make it look like i'm an alcoholic, i really don't drink often. and when i do, i don't drink much. trust me, it takes WAY TOO MUCH alcohol to get me drunk. i can't afford to be an alcoholic. my sister and biological maternal grandfather are both alcoholics, and i know that i can out drink any man, so i'm always very cautious.

many many of you mentioned happy pills. i am on them. i have been taking antidepressants for 5 years now. they have been switched a couple of times. currently, i'm taking 225mg of effexor. if you don't know about effexor, that's alot. in fact, that is the highest dose most docs will go for...my guess is it's probably time to change happy pills again. i HATE changing happy pills, but sometimes it's just necessary.

as for therapy...i've been. and i hate it. somehow the idea of paying someone $100 an hour to say "how does that make you feel?" while i bawl my eyes out on their couch just really bothers me. i can tell the whole world how "it" makes me feel right here on this blog for free! ACU offers counseling, but a) i don't want to see a student (i don't like people my age in general, so that just wouldn't go well) and b) i've never really heard anything good about their counseling center except that it only costs $10 a session...apparently, there is a reason for the cheap price...

i've been thinking a lot about what could possibly be causing this god awful mood of mine. i've narrowed it down to about 496168 things. i know i'll get in a better mood...but right now it's all i can do to get out of bed and go to work. then i go right back home and right back to bed usually. i don't want to kill myself, but i keep thinking (and dreaming) about things happening to me. it's weird...

i did get a pedicure saturday...my toes are now ready for combat and/or hunting season (they're painted camo and so dang cute). trina can attest that diana (the pedicure lady) can make you forget your troubles for that hour you're sitting in her chair...

i also went to jake & morgan's soccer game and that was fun..ish...

i did hear some really freakin awesome news while there....and i'm still excited about it

i'll probably get a massage this weekend. that will definitely help, even if for just an hour or two.

Friend has basically disappeared off the planet. ok, really he's just across town staying with his ex wife and youngest daughter (electricity is still off and apparently my house is the devil or something...p.s. that was a joke) and when he does that, biddy gets no Friend time. normally i'm fine with it, but right now i really could use some time with my best friend. i also know i'm not the only one who needs his support right now. i won't go into any details, but please, keep Friend's ex wife in your prayers. my family has been through what she's going through right now, and i know she can use all the extra prayers for health and peace of mind she can get.

Since Stormy got married, she's also fallen off the face of the earth. Ok, so she's just across town with her hubby, but she might as well be on jupiter. i miss her.

4 comments:

Special K ~Toni said...

alcoholic??? No- they go to meetings. The word you are looking for is drunk. And No, I don't think you are a drunk!

Come over to my place for a laugh, and to find out about a blog template contest!(Scroll down!)

Anonymous said...

Chin up, Biddy! Hopefully the massage will make you happy...

BTW, your name is so close to my little Bindi, that I'm so tempted to call you that!

Hol said...

I hope your massage helps. You can't beat a pedicure and a massage, mmm.

Beck said...

Keep pampering yourself-- you deserve it. Are you on Birth Control? The shit can make you crazy. I have gone off and I'm like a whole new woman. Also, on the therapy thing... I really can't suggest finding someone who doesn't just ask "how does that feel?" I have been to a couple of good therapists... one incorporated body and energy work into the sessions. It is important that you want to be there for it to be helpful though. So if you're not down with it now, wait... maybe you will be later. And tell "Friend" that you need him. That's what friends are for. It's Ok to say it out loud. hugs.